Bye, Bye 2009

As most do, I have been reflecting much on the past year and contemplating another one coming my way.  I have to admit at first mention of saying farewell to 2009, I am quite pleased to do so.  It has officially been a year since I first developed RSD, a nerve disorder I was told by several specialists, would only progress. I had no idea what was in store for me but was certain God spoke to me that I would be healed. Little did I know it would not be overnight, nor did He mean just physically.  It has been a bittersweet journey these past 12 months, full of pain, struggle, patience, rest, emotional cleansing, joy, and freedom.  I'm overflowing with thankfulness that my Creator has brought more to me through these experiences than I could have ever thought possible.  I know most people can't really appreciate how amazing it is that I can even walk, but after researching the condition and living through it, I do not take it for granted at all. Thank you to all who have prayed for me this year and have encouraged me every step of the way.  Although none of us ever know what is in store for us in a new year, I genuinely feel that God always has something special for each of us, if we choose to surrender it to Him. I guess it's nice to have some kind of sense of a new start for many reasons.  So even though I can now appreciate this year, bye, bye, 2009.  I'm happy to welcome a new one.

Happy Holidays? No thanks.

For years I have heard the dueling "Happy Holidays" and "Jesus is the reason for the season", but for some reason it really struck a chord with me this Christmas. All of a sudden I am so fed up with politically correct and have been so convicted of leaving our Lord and Savior behind. It makes no sense that we go through all the stresses of what Christmas has become and refuse to even acknowledge what started it all in the first place. If someone is Jewish and wants to wish me Happy Hannukah, so be it...I'll wish them a Merry Christmas because without it, my whole reason for living would be shaken. I will not apologize for wishing that others would know and celebrate Jesus Christ.

I went into this year with a little different perspective because some of the traditions my family had were going to change. As it got closer, I was humbled when I was reminded that all I needed to "stress" and worry about was if my heart was worshipping my Lord for coming to this earth for ME. Overall I hold on to too much in this world without regard for what holds eternal significance for me. So as we face another year, I pray that my heart would be ever changing so that every day might include me celebrating Christmas.  

Are you Green?

"Go green" has become such a catch phrase in our culture that sometimes it's a ridiculous marketing ploy. A certain lingerie store sells "green" tote bags...they're cotton for heaven's sake, of course they are natural. While I think some have carried it a bit far, I do happen to be an advocate of some green behavior. In my opinion, some measures are just an act of basic responsibility, like not littering (this does include cigarette butts, by the way, but that's another entry). Recycling and reusing products, using energy saving appliances and light bulbs, and carpooling are examples of other ways to be environmentally respectful. Like every other kind of lifestyle change, these things take time to become habit but it is certainly possible and very rewarding. In the past 2 years, I have drastically reduced my weekly trash down to one small bag because of all the paper, plastic, aluminum, and cardboard I recycle. Granted, I live inside the city and they pick it up for free, which makes it easy on me. On the other hand, I'm on too tight of a budget to buy all new appliances, I hate flourescent light (it does nothing for anyone's coloring), and I enjoy driving fast when I get the chance. You Know What, though? I think if everyone made small changes in the way they do things and pick a couple of extra measures to "go green", it would end up having a huge impact. So my challenge is this...be a responsible resident of this planet and choose a way that you can be more green. It's not as hard or as cheesy as it sounds.

Joy Comes in the Mourning

One of the many tough things about getting "older" is learning more deeply about the hard stuff of life. When I was younger, I always used to think of mourning as grief over someone dying. I now understand there are many more things to grieve over and mourn the loss of--dreams, friendships, relationships, life seasons, health, jobs, pets, and the list goes on. As I watch some of those close to me going through hard and hurtful battles and experience some of my own, I pray that all of us can find the peace and joy that can only come through the Lord in the midst of these times. 

Several years ago I boarded an airplane and ended up taking off in a horrible storm. As we kept climbing elevation, we pulled through the thick layer of clouds only to see a magnificent sunset above. For the first time it hit me that the sun is always shining, even in the worst of weather. It's no less bright and warm when clouds are in the way or the orbit pattern makes it night at our place on the planet. You Know What? It's the same way through our nasty days/weeks/seasons, except the Son is our Creator and Friend. He's always there and never-changing, even when we can't see Him or feel His presence close.  So like Psalm 30:5 says, "weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning". You can be thankful that you, as a believer, will ultimately have victory over every trial in this life and will experience the epitome of joy--Almighty God, Himself. In the meantime, look for the little things that you can find joy through, because you absolutely have the opportunity to find joy in the mourning, whatever that means in your journey. Besides, I will take sunshine over dark and dreary any day. Wouldn't you?

Frog vs. Toad

During one of my weekend stays at my sister's mountain top house, a friend and I had walked out on the porch to find a toad sitting in the driveway.  Upon us moving closer, stomping around, and poking at it with a stick (yes, it was a funny scene), the toad did not move at all.  We were joking that it was fearless and definitely not a frog--her previous experiences proved frogs are jumpy!  After some of our conversation that night, I told her she was a toad, firm in her decisions.  Although we said all of this in jest, I really wouldn't mind having that innate attitude of fearlessness.  Of course, I don't desire to make stupid decisions, but want to be in tune with the Holy Spirit and trust His guidance.  Fear can hold us back from so many things in this life and certainly keeps us from the freedom our Creator wants to give us daily.  You Know What?  As I grow in my walk, I would be happy for someone to call me a toad...it's not an insult to me at all (unless you are referring to bumpy skin..see older post, My Pore Face)!  By the way, toads can't give you warts, so you can still be my friend. 

Thanks, Girls

One of the things God has blessed me with is the abundance of great people in my life.  Reflecting on my journey, I can see the relationships around me have not always been what I thought they should be, but have mostly served me very well.  While those closest to me know that I often lament the lack of a "significant other", the past several months have opened my eyes to the wonderful friendships present in my world, with mostly women.  I could rattle off a list long enough to be embarrassing, only because I don't deserve the blessings of these girls.  Some live close, some far (at least it seems that way), some are family, and some might as well be. Some are married, some not, some have kids, others have only pets.  No matter what stage in life in which they reside, they love me and minister to me in ways only each of them can.  
Don't get me wrong, I certainly need great guys in my life, too.  But You Know What?  Fellow women just have a way of understanding me that makes me a little more grounded and makes me feel a little less crazy.  So to all the many wonderful girls in my world--and you know who you are--thank you from the deepest parts of me, for being a light in my life. 

What Color Was Your School Bus?

Have you ever wondered why people talk about the "yellow" school bus? This has always blown my mind a bit because it's not yellow! I have never ridden, nor seen a yellow one. Even from kindergarten I was a rebel on this point, carefully selecting the Crayola yellow-orange crayon to color my school buses. Now I realize Crayola has probably renamed this color mango, summer sunrise, or some other creative name, but most of you know the exact color to which I'm referring. It's a much closer fit and in my opinion, the correct color is much closer to orange than it is yellow, anyway. I think most don't put as much thought into it as I have and have just bought into our culture's labels of things (ex. We park in driveways and drive on parkways. What is that about?), but You Know What? This happens to be one of the many random subjects I have spent time pondering and wanted to share. I can guarantee if I ever do have children, I will assure them it's ok to be different and use the right crayon! What color was your school bus?

My Pore Face

I've been hearing about more and more cases of Melanoma lately and decided it was time to see the Dermatologist. I have a few moles, to say the least, and have had some removed in the past so I wanted to make sure everything still looked okay. As I patiently waited for the doctor and decked out in my paper tablecloth, the Nurse Practitioner enters and introduces herself. She then says, "Are you here to see about your acne?". To which I reply, "Well, we can talk about that, but I'm really here to have my moles checked." HA! Normally I would have been offended, but instead found it hilarious for some reason. After my photo shoot which documented my skin for future comparison, I was sent on my way with a prescription for one of the two medicines I happen to be allergic to. Wow. "Umm, is there anything else I can take, since this one makes me violently ill?"
I just shook my head walking out thinking, "this is going to be some kind of day." My dear friend commented, "Only you, Abby." You Know What? At least I am starting to laugh at myself and not be so sensitive. My pore face.

Who are you, anyway?

Do you think it's important to know who you are? I'm not talking about the ability to list your basic qualities like you're filling out a resume. I mean knowing the raw, unedited, the good, the bad, the ugly, day-to-day, heart and soul, of you.
I would say it is not only important, it is absolutely essential to healthy relationships and to a more fulfilling life. If you don't understand yourself and what makes you tick-or get ticked off- then how in the world is anybody else supposed to understand you? Now I will say I'm not the best at understanding everything I do, say, or feel, but even when I think I'm on target I inevitably feel misunderstood by others from time to time. This makes relating difficult, to say the least.
I am a firm believer that your strengths are usually your weaknesses as well and it can be very helpful to identify some top-ranking qualities. Example: I have a strong personality with a "take charge" ability, which happens to be very needed in both my vocation and voluntary roles, on certain occasions. My leadership skills paired with my tendency to react quickly have proved extremely useful in many situations. However, my reactionary self, plus my faulty discretion can sometimes lead me to hurt those around me with my words and make me wish I would've kept my mouth shut. It's all about timing and balance.
To go a step further, if you are a follower of Jesus, allowing Him free reign of your heart and mind can bring about a deeper understanding of "you" than you might have ever thought possible. There is nothing more freeing than to let your Creator mold and refine you on a daily basis.
Why has all this been on my mind? As I mentioned earlier, understanding yourself can be a huge step in healthy relationships and is crucial to setting boundaries in them. I don't know about you, but I've had enough of hurtful and toxic interactions and have every desire to purge them right out of my life. On the flip side, knowing your heart can help you trust those around you that have the ability to bless your socks off!
What little I've said might sound like psychological mumbo jumbo to you, but You Know What? If you don't search your heart and mind frequently, and invite God to grow you, you will certainly miss out on so much this great life has to offer. Knowing who you are is a lifelong process but certainly worth the fight. I pray that my Lord forever refines the real me, helps me to love more, be hurtful less, and to glorify Him in all that I do. Above all, I hope the fire that is me, inspires or pushes somebody in my life to trust Him with their heart and life.
I'm learning not to apologize so much for the flaws I see in me, but to realize I'm a work in progress. My passion, quirkiness, strong will, affectionate, musical, practical self is happy to be alive today and is excited to see where this roller coaster that is my life takes me. What about you? Who are you, anyway?